#KnowYourWorth: 5 Steps On How To Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

Dishonesty is the number one reason why relationships fall apart and people part ways. It comes in many forms and that includes cheating.

Imagine losing a relationship that you’ve nurtured for a period of time because your partner cheated on you? How about finding out someone you thought was worthy of your trust suddenly betrayed you?

It hurts, doesn’t it?

It begs the question, why can’t people just be honest? Is it really so hard to be truthful these days?

I know you’re here because you’re done with that crap and bullshit. You’re looking for more reasons to convince people that you’d prefer the naked truth over a beautifully wrapped lie. There’s a pain you’re feeling and you’re so tired of it. You don’t know what it is, but you just wish you can make it go away.

You’re tired. TOO tired of being lied to, cheated on and played with.

You are heartbroken and frustrated because it seems like everyone’s just the same.

First, they make you feel special. You start to trust them and believe them. The next thing you know, you’re at home crying in front of the tv eating a tub of ice cream all by your lonesome because they betrayed you and made you feel worthless.

You’re tired of attracting these losers, liars, and dipshits. Then you start to question yourself…

“Am I not worthy of love, honesty, commitment, and loyalty?”

Good question.

Well, I am going to be honest with you and you’re probably not going to like me for this.

What if I told you that YOU are the reason why all of this shit is happening to you? What if you are always attracting cheaters because YOU are cheating on yourself? You are attracting liars because you are being DISHONEST to yourself? What if the person who’s been betraying you all this time is YOU?

“Are you saying I deserve this?! I’m a good person! How dare you?!”

#KnowYourWorth: Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

Alright, calm your ass down. I am not saying you deserve to be treated this way. Nobody deserves to be treated badly especially NOT YOU. Sometimes it’s not just about you being a good person to other people. The question is, are you a good person to YOURSELF?

Many of the circumstances we find ourselves in do not happen by accident. It happens because we unknowingly submit ourselves to situations that allow us to validate our self-fulfilling prophecies.

Here are examples of self-fulfilling prophecies:

Think about the times you found yourself in an undesirable situation.

  • Have you ever felt as if you are a magnet for unfortunate events? You might say something like, “Of course, why am I not surprised? Shit like this always happens to me!” or “Just when I’m enjoying life then BAM! Another problem.”
  • Do you ever wonder why you keep attracting the same type of people that have hurt you before? “Why can’t I resist people who are bad for me?” or “All men/women are just the same!”
  • You almost expect to get the same negative result in anything that you do over and over again. “I knew it! I knew this would happen. I’m just a born failure!”

These kinds of self-defeating dialogues are usually a reflection of how you view or feel about YOU. We set the tone on how people should treat us, so if you engage in negative self-talk, you criticize yourself too much, you are not too kind to yourself and you don’t treat yourself well enough, people will see that and you unknowingly invite them to do the same to you.

We attract what we feel inside.

#KnowYourWorth: Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

Okay, this is a really touchy subject. But I’ll do my best to talk about this concept…

People handle issues or some type of pain in different ways and here’s just a few I am familiar with:

  • They’ve been hurt so bad and nobody can understand their pain. The feeling of worthlessness starts to creep in and they also begin to think that maybe they deserve to get hurt even more. So, they punish themselves by clinging to people who can potentially bring them more pain. (i.e. unrequited affection or people who blatantly disrespect them) This allows them to prove their self-fulfilling prophecy that they were right all along. They’re worthless, nobody will ever love them and that’s all they’ll ever deserve in life – pain and unhappiness.
  • You know what they say, “misery loves company”. They find other people who seem sad and broken like them. People who might “need fixing”. That person becomes a pet project for them. But the truth is, they’re only using this as an escape to distract themselves from the pain and brokenness that they feel because deep inside, they know they are the ones that need fixing. They just don’t know where to start or it’s just too scary to face and admit that they need help.
  • This person may look tough and strong, but the way they handle pain is by hurting other people. They terrorize you, they take all that pain and anger on you to deflect the attention from themselves that they’re suffering an internal turmoil and they’re hurting, too. AKA “bullies”
  • Or if they can’t find anyone, they find something. They get fixated on something that serves as a numbing agent for the pain which leads to addiction. It can be drugs, alcohol, food, sex, chocolate tv, anything that can take away their focus from the pain and the problem that they do not want to feel and deal with.

In that sense, if you are wondering why you’re attracting liars, cheaters, and jerks who don’t treat you right, it’s because of the fact that deep inside, you know you have been lying and cheating on yourself, too. But you don’t want to admit it. If you feel that all you deserve are bad things or terrible people that hurt you – even if it is not what you want – but since you’re thinking it, It will find its way to you.

You are being a jerk to yourself and that needs to stop.

When you’re in pain or unhappy about your life, don’t immediately expect that it’s how your life was designed for you. Don’t be ready to admit or accept this fate that maybe you were just destined to be life’s punching bag.

Do NOT let life bully you into thinking that. I repeat, DO NOT let life beat you down to the ground.

Don’t even start to think that you cannot turn the situation around because YOU CAN. YOU HAVE control over this. Do not let circumstances overpower you, take the power back and start taking charge of your own life.

Let’s be real for a second. Seeking a distraction from your own problems is not the answer. Trying to fix somebody else isn’t going to make it go away either. Once that pet project is over, you’ll find another one to replace it. If you try and take it out on other people, you’ll later find yourself in deeper pain than you were before you lashed out. And if you keep trying to drown yourself with your numbing agent(s), you’re in for a rude awakening because it will bite back harder when those things stop working for you.

Come on, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!

If you really want to stop attracting bullshit in your life, here’s what you can do:

Step One: Admit The Role That You Played In This And Take Responsibility

#KnowYourWorth: Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

The journey to uncovering your true worth starts with the first step and that is to admit the role that you played in the whole ordeal and take responsibility. It’s not going to be easy especially if you are too prideful to own up to your mistakes and failures.

I know so because it’s embarrassing. I mean, what would people say if they know you’re not perfect? That’s just going to strengthen their belief that you are worthless! Right?

WRONG!

Who gives a fuck about what other people think? You shouldn’t. You should not give a fuck because you’re taking the first step to blocking bullshit out of your life.

So let’s get this out of the way…

Yes, you played a role in letting bad things happen in your life because you didn’t know better. But now you do. By acknowledging the part that you played in this and taking responsibility for it, you just took the first transformational step towards growth and change. This is your chance to take the power back so you can take control of your life and steer it in the right direction. The direction where you can live your life by design and be the better version of yourself.

I remember the first time that I started to admit and own up to my failures. I was expecting that I would feel shitty about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I was a bit sad, but I also felt a sense of accomplishment. That felt so good, it was addictive. That it made me think maybe I can do better? So, I tried to keep doing better in little ways and every time I made a mistake, I owned up to it. It just made me feel better and better. It motivated me to build a better life for myself and I did.

If you’re going to distract yourself, do it by embarking on a journey to become a better you. If you want to work on something, work on yourself. If you are going to be addicted, be addicted to feeling good about yourself and your accomplishments.

If I did it, you can, too.

Step Two: Muster The Courage To Look Within Yourself

#KnowYourWorth: Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

So, we attract what we feel inside. This may be one of the most difficult tasks that we ever have to do because honestly, when I first heard of the words “it starts within you” or “look within yourself”, I was so dumbfounded.

I was like, “What kinda stupid shit is this? Look within myself? My internal organs? What does my liver and lungs have to do with this?”

But it’s not the kind of information that you should digest literally. When we say look within, it has a lot to do with getting in touch with our feelings, understanding how our mind works, listening to our body, aligning ourselves with our intuition, feeding our soul with wisdom. If we aspire to become better versions of ourselves and build a better life, we NEED to reconnect with ourselves. That includes confronting the shit that we do not like about YOU.

But how exactly can we do that if we keep looking for distractions? How can we fulfill the responsibility of filling a void within ourselves if we keep depending and expecting other people to make us feel complete?

Take this as an example: You and your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up. What would you do next?

Will you…

A.) Find someone to replace them RIGHT AWAY! aka relationship hopping “The only way to get over someone is to get under someone. Am I right?

B.) Take a deep breath, reflect, heal and work on yourself. “I might be doing something wrong that’s why my relationships aren’t working, maybe there’s something I need to do that can change this.

C.) Find distractions that can take your focus away from your problem and just keep doing whatever that is until the pain just “goes away”. “I’m going to drink all day and party all night!” or “Eat your feelings. Pizza is a better boyfriend and ice cream/chocolates is a sweeter lover.

There might be other examples, but these are the most common things that I’ve encountered.

Here’s the thing… If you chose A and C, honey, you can’t just put a patch on the pain that you feel like it’s a punctured tire and the pain doesn’t just go away even if you drown yourself in distraction.

Self-evaluation is no cake walk. Whatever you find out about yourself when you engage in some introspection, whether it is good or bad, you need to own it. Embrace it! Learn from it! Even if it hurts.

You want the pain to go bye-bye? Put your big boy or big girl pants on and deal with it!

Step Three: Take Your Blinders Off And Deal With The Truth

#KnowYourWorth: Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

We always complain about how people aren’t being truthful to us or they aren’t treating us right. By doing so, are we forgetting that through the act of distracting ourselves from the ugly truth is a way of lying to ourselves?

We can justify it by saying, “I’m just protecting myself from the pain.”

Ok, I get it. It’s a defense mechanism. It’s normal to want to protect yourself from getting hurt. Who would want to be in pain? I know I don’t. But the thing about pain is, according to John Green, it demands to be felt. We feel it because it is a way for us to know that what we are doing is wrong and if we don’t do anything to change that, we’ll always end up getting hurt.

Even if the truth hurts, take your blinders off and open up to it. The truth is our ally and the pain that comes with it ALWAYS has an upside. Sometimes pain is an opportunity to help you build character. If you don’t want to feel pain again, like for realsies, the solution is simple. Change.

If only you challenge yourself to be brave enough to face the truth, the pain that you feel should urge you to see the error of your ways and change it. It motivates you to do better and you’ll be better.

You don’t want bullshit, right? Then STOP bullshitting yourself.

You cheated on someone before and you think what you did was disgusting? Did you steal someone else’s boyfriend? Did you try to seduce someone else’s fiance? Do you try to forget your problems by drinking yourself to sleep or collecting a string of one night stands? Anything that you know or think was wrong, be honest about it, own it and accept the mistakes you have made. Do not worry how bad it is because the moment that you acknowledge it is the moment that you set yourself free. It leaves your system and you have a chance to start with a clean slate.

Always remember that whatever you have done, whoever you are in the past, it doesn’t define who you are or what your future is going to be like. Forgive yourself, learn to let go, move on and don’t do your damn fuckery ever again.

Step Four: Build A Relationship With Yourself

#KnowYourWorth: Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

Once you’ve made a decision to change and do better, it marks a beautiful start towards building a healthy relationship with yourself. This means you need put yourself first before the needs of others.

  • Learn to say NO and learn when to say it.
  • Set boundaries
  • Don’t do anything that you are not comfortable doing.
  • Openly reject anything you feel, think or know that’s not good for you.
  • You will no longer tolerate anything that does not feel good for your heart, body, mind, and soul.

No more bullshit, no more toxicity, no more unhealthy habits.

The chance to begin with a clean slate and wanting better things for yourself is an indication that you are ready to receive all the gifts, blessings and endless possibilities that life and the universe has in store for you.

Does it sound difficult? You’re smart to think that because it really is, but you can do this and here’s how:

Be the kind of person YOU NEED.

But it’s not enough that you know, you have to WANT to be that person. You have to decide that you want to be there for yourself and be that kind of person for YOU. Once you make that decision, the next thing to do is TAKE ACTION.

It’s not going to happen fast, but have you achieved anything that’s worth in a short amount of time? No.

So, take the time to get to know yourself. Aim to improve, grow and be better. YOU 2.0.

What excites you? Who do you aspire to be? What are your goals and ambitions? It’s time to acknowledge your strengths, embrace your weaknesses, fall in love with your flaws, and understand that even though you are imperfect, you are bound for something great.

You are beautiful, you are brilliant and you have the power to make a difference in the world in your own unique ways. Refuse to be treated otherwise!

Step Five: Recognize That Happiness Is An Inside Job

#KnowYourWorth: Stop Attracting Bullshit Into Your Life

Do I really have to explain this? Okay, fine. 🙄

We have this habit of saying something like, “If I have more money, I’ll be happy.” or “If I find someone who loves me for me, I’ll be happy.” or “If I’m as hot as Kylie Jenner, I’ll be happy.”  (That might be a poor example, but she’s the first one to pop in my head. She’s all over my feed recently. Damn you, Facebook! So, anyway…)

Well, it does not work that way. If you aren’t happy now and you can’t find any reason to be happy with your situation or yourself, you probably never will.

Happiness is an inside job. It means that you have reached a level of awareness of who you are and what you want, but you don’t give a fuck about the circumstances because you know it’s only temporary. That’s only for today. Tomorrow will be a new day and another door is going to open for you. You are at a point where you acknowledge your flaws, but that doesn’t really make you feel like you are not enough. In fact, you know that your mistakes, your failures, your imperfections or whatever it is that you think you lack are most interesting things about you.

You don’t feel the need to distract yourself from your problems, you remain present and you live in the moment because you know you’ll be alright. Everything is going to be fine. You don’t need other people’s permission because the only person whose validation you need is YOU.

Simply put, you don’t need to look elsewhere for happiness because you are happy all by yourself.

Once you are happy with yourself, all things good will gravitate towards you effortlessly. You’ll repel all the bullshit things and bullshit people who caused you heartache and made you feel worthless. When you’re happy and you know your worth, people will start to see you the way you see yourself in your eyes. You’ll start attracting people who are good for your soul, the kind that will bring you growth, peace, love and even more happiness.

Mark my words, I am right about this and you know that, too.

Well, if I am wrong, you can curse me out here’s my email: info@beunfxckwithable.com

Attempting to uncover your own worth is pretty much the same as taking the road less traveled. It’s not going to be easy, you’ll be sad sometimes because it’s like you are on your own. Do not be swayed by this because the loneliness is temporary. Sometimes, I feel like it was designed that way so we can’t be tempted to do other things that will take away our focus from the mission which is to become the healthier and happier versions of ourselves. So, just hang tight because things will get better. Life gets better.

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